We all have both positive and negative experience and memories, correct? Do you know how to use those correctly and effectively? Human brain uses all experience to learn and to protect ourselves, especially when we get hurt, feel painful, or go through many other negative experience emotionally, mentally, physically, and psychologically. It is very common and obvious that nowadays it is harder and harder for anyone to trust anyone. There are a huge amount of fear, anxiety, panic, doubts, and distrust before people even start dating. Why is that? Due to unresolved trust issues and previous hurt. The more we get hurt, the thicker we wrap around ourselves to be away from getting more hurt; the more anxiety we experience way before we even know the person; the more judgment and doubts we have toward the other person, the more tests we give to the other person to see if he/she can get an acceptable score; the more balls and challenges we throw at the other person to see if she/he is able to catch any. Is this fair to the new person standing in front of you? Are you truly ready to date or be in a relationship? Are you putting out both of your chemistry or brushing up the excited moment/feeling? Do you feel tired and drain after carrying all of the unresolved issue for a long long time and wonder how come you still don’t have a happy relationship?
- You can’t forget what had happened in the past, learn from those, ask better questions and open your eyes more instead of allowing those to affect your judgment to the new person you encounter. Forgive yourself and the other person, let go of the past and have a brand new start to the opportunities in front of you.
- Think about what you truly want, what matters to you, what traits you value the most. The more you know about yourself and the other person, the better you can make a decision. Remember, you always have the option to continue or discontinue.
- There is no “the perfect match” or “the perfect couple”. You can’t be afraid to step into a relationship because you are afraid it might not workout. Nothing is guarantee, because everything has a risk. Relationship takes TWO to work it through, you have the choice to have the individual breakthrough, couple’s breakthrough, or breakup.
- Love, value, and trust yourself first before you can truly love, value, and trust another person. Once you started to be good at doing those, your long lasting relationship will be right around the corner.
Takeaways: Don’t allow your previous negative experience to scare you away from experiencing and learning the new ones. Retrain your brain to be open and trustworthy toward yourself and others, so you can truly learn about yourself and others and decide what you want and what you don’t want in a partner and a relationship.